It’s getting close to baby day. Family is in town, the nursery is ready, my bag is almost totally packed. It’s getting close. I’m nervous. Not about the baby, but about so many other things.
About my home: I’ve never been a clean fanatic, so it’s not the cleanliness I get nervous about. It’s the orderliness. I’m not nearly as “bad” as I used to be. I no longer organize my movies by rating and then title. But I do like things to run a certain way (usually my way). Of course when I’m not there, things don’t run just the way I prefer. It’s silly really and I’m working on it, but it’s a part of who I am.
My kids: It’s really kind of a schedule thing again. I have one child in particular who gets really outta wack when schedules get messed up. Bedtimes get wacky and in a house with 4 (almost 5) kids, I cherish the time after bedtimes. It gives me sanity. The kids are just so much better behaved when there is a consistent schedule and I like well-behaved kids.
My time: I cherish my time alone. I don’t get it very much during the day, but I enjoy it. I enjoy my time along with Racer too. With 4 extra people in the house, I don’t get either really and I have to be on my “best behavior.” I don’t feel like I have space to be irrational and emotional at times. And right now, at this point in my life, it’s been happening.
Baby: I’m not really nervous about baby’s delivery, just about how everything is going to change. How will the kids react? How will our family learn to function again? Will I be able to parent 5 kids well? How is it all going to work?
So what am I doing with all this nervous energy? Driving my family nuts. I’m getting bossy. I don’t like that, but it’s one of my nervous character flaws. I’m not sleeping and when I do I’m having CRAZY dreams. And I’m eating. I suppose being pregnant is a good excuse, but I don’t really need to eat all. the. time.
So, as baby day quickly approaches, I’m going to try and let go and enjoy my family during their visit. I want my kids to enjoy their visit with grandparents without mom being a maniac. I’ve got to find something else to do with this nervous energy though…