I’m applying to go back to school. In that application process, there is a 1000 word essay that I have to write about my faith journey and why I’m going back to school. A little over a year ago, I wrote a shorter essay addressing much of the prompt, so in my effort to save time and have a consistent message, I went to that old essay and began to read.
As I read, I edited. I added some information. I updated language and tenses (the ever-present English major inside of me). And then I got to this line that I had written:
I wonder what God’s provision will look like.
I sat there and read it again. Then I picked up the phone and called my best friend to tell her what had just happened. You’re probably wondering what did just happen.
Over the past year and a half, I’ve posted several times and hinted at some difficulties in the life of my family. I’ve not ever told the whole story. One of the reasons is for protection for my family and to keep from sharing more than my husband and oldest children would want others to know. One of the reasons has been because of pride and embarrassment. One of the reasons is from fear. While I’m not ready to post everything on the ‘net yet, I am starting to tell the story more and more with people who cross my path.
If you know me in person and you want to know more of the story – brew a pot of coffee and give us a while… But here’s the short version:
I no longer wonder what God’s provision will look like. I KNOW what God’s provision is like.
It may not sound that profound, but as I read that sentence that I typed out over a year ago, I was struck at how an all-knowing, loving God could smile as I typed with worry and trepidation. God could smile because while He knew that the path would be difficult and shaky, He also knew that all was in His control. And while walking that shaky path, God knew that my faith would be strengthened as I learned to fully rely on Him and His provision for my family.
Crazy thing is, I have more joy now – and a more beautiful God story – than I ever did before. I love that God is doing a beautiful work in the life of my family. He is restoring us in many ways. He is showing us a fuller measure of His love. My prayer is that I continue to walk in obedience and submission to His will for our lives; that all I am and all I have is used for His Glory and not my own.
So today, I am grateful. I am thankful for the last year of my life – as hard as it may have been. I am thankful for those that listened to God’s promptings and shared generously. I am thankful for God’s blessings in our obedience. I am thankful that I’m being given chances to share God’s story in my life.
God is Good.
Rev. Kris Mares 