Racer and I finally decided to announce that we are having another baby. Well, Racer’s been ready for a while. I’ve been the hold-up. I’m over 1/2 way through this pregnancy. I keep thinking about this baby (I won’t have a cute nickname until it’s here) and such a variety of emotions surface. Of course there is excitement at life growing, but at the same time, I feel sad. This will be the last baby my body grows. This will be the last time I feel movement that no one else can feel. This will be the last time I get to watch my belly get round and hard (and my ankles get round and soft). This is the last one.
Yes, it will be child #5 (maybe Cinco?) in our family and my 4th c-section. I am growing older and the risks of a c-section rise with each one. The risks of pregnancy rise with age. This is not a debate, as I know that there are others who do and will disagree with me, but these are the main 2 reasons that we have decided to be done. Hence the reason for the mixed emotions.
I’ve also been nervous about the reactions we’d get. No, this is NOT an ideal time in our lives to be pregnant. The stress of moving, selling a house, setting up in a new town and state… let’s just say I need lots of rest these days. I take a lot of deep breaths and try to keep my hormones and emotions in check. I don’t do a lot of lifting of the moving boxes. And I feel bad that I’m not helping more than I am. What I can say is this – when we told people, the majority reacted with happiness and excitement for us. That has made me more excited too. It’s unusual these days to have a family of 7, but that’s what we are. Our new house is just the right size and set-up. Our car has 7 seats. Seven. That’s us.
As we move forward with yet another new adventure, I’m enjoying seeing Girlie and Professor and Racer enjoy this pregnancy. Blue is still pretty leery, but I’m sure she’ll come around. Gorilla is just too little to totally understand yet. Girlie likes to look in my belly button and keeps asking if she can feel the baby kick. Professor is sweet and loving and gentle. And I don’t get it, but somehow Racer thinks I’m even more beautiful as I grow our children.
So again, join us on this journey. I don’t understand it. I want to. But I don’t. God’s had so many surprises in store for my family, that I should just stop trying to understand and plan. And someday, I’ll look back at my life and see the purpose in His wonderful, glorious timing and plans. And I’ll be smiling at each surprise he brought along the way.
Rev. Kris Mares 