Gracious and Holy One,
Some days it’s easy to come to you. Some days it’s easy to approach the throne. And some days it’s not. Receive me today. Hear my heart today. Look upon my life with love, even though there are days that it’s hard to see it at work.
Some days, God, I’m just tired. Tired of doing what is right. Tired of serving. Tired of biting my tongue. Tired of picking up socks for the millionth time. Tired of praying for others. Tired of not feeling like I have enough. Tired of not feeling like I am enough.
And in those moments, God, I know I need you. I know I need a fresh wind. I know I need the breeze of the Holy Spirit to remind me that I am loved and I am called and I am chosen and I am yours.
What I don’t understand, God, is why in those moments, when I know I need you most, that it seems hardest to come to you? Why does my pride continue to get in my way and prevent me from totally seeking you? Why God? Why do you allow me to get in the way of my relationship with you?
And in the quiet of listening for your voice I hear “Because I love you. Because I want you to allow me to be fully at work in all areas of your life. Because I want you to totally surrender yourself to me. If you don’t do it, it’s not love if I make you do it.”
So God, help me. Transform me into the image of Christ. But it’s gonna hurt isn’t it? Not hurt painful, but heart hurt. I have this feeling that the more I carry the aroma of Christ, the more my heart will break. The more the tears will fall. The more my anger will be replaced by compassion.
So God, as I pray for others, hear this prayer for me. Hear my heart. Heal my heart. Change my heart. And hold me tight when it hurts.
Holy Spirit come…