I got breakfast in bed (and it was good). My coffee was made for me. The church pews were full (my heart feels really happy about that). Lunch was prepared. They gave me space for a nap. I was given a gift certificate for time at a local spa.
So why in the world was I such a crab about it all?
Seriously, I messed up Mother’s Day. I ranted. I railed. I cried. I was sad. I was mad.
And I didn’t want it to be like that.
Saturday night, I had even prayed about Mother’s Day. I had asked God to help me be grateful. To help me be kind. To help me not mess it up.
And then I went and did the thing I did not want to do.
As Paul puts it in his letter to the Romans (and maybe also to me?):
For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. (Romans 7:19-21, NASB)
Or as Eugene Peterson translates it:
But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’treally do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. (Romans 7:17-23, The Message)
I wanted to be a grateful mother. I wanted to be an appreciative wife. I wanted to be good and do good. I even asked God for help. And then, I went and screwed it all up.
Or did I?
Perhaps it was the sin that is within me that screwed it up. Perhaps the force of evil at work in the world tried to win.
Perhaps you’ve been there. Maybe it wasn’t Mother’s Day you messed up. Maybe it was Christmas or your birthday or a kid’s birthday or just a special family day. You wanted to make it special. You wanted to feel loved. You wanted to receive the gestures of love and appreciation those around you shared.
But somehow, even though your desire was there, sin crept in. Sin took over. Sin seemed to win.
But shhh… I want to let you in on a little something.
Sin doesn’t win.
Jesus already did.
Jesus conquered sin and death on the cross and Jesus still reigns on the throne, sitting at the right hand of God the Father, redeeming those moments, those days, those times when you know what you ought to do. Redeeming those moments, those days, those times when you want to do good. Redeeming those moments, those days those times when sin seems to win.
Jesus wins.
So as I curled under the covers in my bed, crying and pleading and confessing to God (and let’s be real, texting my best friend about it all), I knew what I had to do. I had to apologize.
I hate it when that happens.
So just before Racer put the younger boys to bed, I called them all in and I apologized. I said I was sorry for being unappreciative, for being grouchy and for not being loving.
You know what happened.
Jesus’ victory came.
I got hugs and kisses. One child said “You know, we should have a Mother’s Day do over.”
Yes, baby, we should.
Today, one child said it was his Mother’s Day do over and he was going to be nice to me.
Yes, baby, I’ll be nice too.
Grace.
Jesus wins.
Love wins.
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