Kris Mares

Just a woman trying to love Jesus and others a little bit more…

How I Messed Up Mother’s Day May 10, 2016

FullSizeRender (8)I got breakfast in bed (and it was good). My coffee was made for me. The church pews were full (my heart feels really happy about that). Lunch was prepared. They gave me space for a nap. I was given a gift certificate for time at a local spa.

So why in the world was I such a crab about it all?

Seriously, I messed up Mother’s Day. I ranted. I railed. I cried. I was sad. I was mad.

And I didn’t want it to be like that.

Saturday night, I had even prayed about Mother’s Day. I had asked God to help me be grateful. To help me be kind. To help me not mess it up.

And then I went and did the thing I did not want to do.

As Paul puts it in his letter to the Romans (and maybe also to me?):

For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. (Romans 7:19-21, NASB)

Or as Eugene Peterson translates it:

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’treally do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. (Romans 7:17-23, The Message)

I wanted to be a grateful mother. I wanted to be an appreciative wife. I wanted to be good and do good. I even asked God for help. And then, I went and screwed it all up.

Or did I?

Perhaps it was the sin that is within me that screwed it up. Perhaps the force of evil at work in the world tried to win.

Perhaps you’ve been there. Maybe it wasn’t Mother’s Day you messed up. Maybe it was Christmas or your birthday or a kid’s birthday or just a special family day. You wanted to make it special. You wanted to feel loved. You wanted to receive the gestures of love and appreciation those around you shared.

But somehow, even though your desire was there, sin crept in. Sin took over. Sin seemed to win.

But shhh… I want to let you in on a little something.

Sin doesn’t win.

Jesus already did.

Jesus conquered sin and death on the cross and Jesus still reigns on the throne, sitting at the right hand of God the Father, redeeming those moments, those days, those times when you know what you ought to do. Redeeming those moments, those days, those times when you want to do good. Redeeming those moments, those days those times when sin seems to win.

Jesus wins.

So as I curled under the covers in my bed, crying and pleading and confessing to God (and let’s be real, texting my best friend about it all), I knew what I had to do. I had to apologize.

I hate it when that happens.

So just before Racer put the younger boys to bed, I called them all in and I apologized. I said I was sorry for being unappreciative, for being grouchy and for not being loving.

You know what happened.

Jesus’ victory came.

I got hugs and kisses. One child said “You know, we should have a Mother’s Day do over.”

Yes, baby, we should.

Today, one child said it was his Mother’s Day do over and he was going to be nice to me.

Yes, baby, I’ll be nice too.

Grace.

Jesus wins.

Love wins.

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Victory in Jesus May 2, 2010

Tonight, in Celebrate Recovery, we learned about Victory.  We looked at steps 6 and 7.

Voluntarily submit to any and all changes God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects. (Steps 6 and 7)

“Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires”

I’ve worked these steps.  I’m not “done” working them.  I have to choose each day to submit myself to the Will of God.  God is constantly wanting to change us – to mold us – into a being more and more like Jesus.  I have to be willing to be changed.

That’s hard for a stubborn, hard-headed, prideful woman like myself.  I say that because “I’m not wrong, you are.  I don’t need to change.  You do.”  That was me.  I’m still stubborn, hard-headed and prideful.  Now I realize that those are pieces of my that God is wanting to change.  I have to be willing to give all of that to God though.  What I can’t understand is why I want to keep holding on to that?

Tonight, the praise band sang the Casting Crowns song “Voice of Truth.”  The chorus says:

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says “do not be afraid!”
and the Voice of truth says “this is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

Right now, my family is getting ready to embark on a new adventure – and I’m afraid.  I don’t know what will happen, what life will be like and I have little to no control.  (Have I mentioned that I tend to be a control freak?).  And yes, I’m afraid. 

I guess that’s why I keep holding onto that other stuff.  If I let go, what’s left?  What will be left of me if I’m not all of those other things?  I suppose that’s the point isn’t it?  To have nothing of “me” left so that all there is, is Jesus.

That’s what the Victory lesson is really about.  As I think about it, our Sunday morning sermon was about the same thing really, leaving all we know behind for Jesus.  When we lose ourselves – OUR desires, OUR ways of doing things, OUR money, OUR strength, OUR… – we are open and able to fully receive what Jesus has to offer.

What Jesus has to offer is victory – a victory over life that is bigger than anything we could ever do.  And my stupid fear is standing in the way. 

So today, I choose to listen to the Voice of Truth.  I will NOT be afraid of what is to come, because I know that it is for God’s glory, so that He can do great things in my family’s life and use us to glorify Him to others.  When my Jesus was nailed to the cross, my fear was nailed to the cross with him.  And when Jesus conquered death, he gave me victory too.

 

 
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