Step 4… Again

This past summer I wrote a post about working through Celebrate Recovery Step 4 and my feelings about my husband’s career.  I thought I’d worked through things and was on my way to living life without resentment toward the auto racing industry.  Well, 1 Corinthians 10:12 says “If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall.”  That’s right, I fell.

I’ve enjoyed the break between the racing seasons.  And with the exception of a short testing trip to Daytona, Racer (my hubby) has been home.  I’ve enjoyed having him home every night.  I’ve enjoyed being able to do things together as a family.  I’ve enjoyed his presence.  Now as the start of a new racing season approaches, I’m dreading it.  That, topped with changes that will be coming in our family because of changes in Racer’s employment, has me flipping out.  I’d been trying to hold it in, but I lost it this weekend.  I had a meltdown and it wasn’t pretty.  I hate not knowing what the future holds.  But again, I have to remind my self that “God is doing something.” 

Yes, God is doing something and I know our family’s connection to racing has something to do with that.  Racing is not the enemy.  So I pray that God shows me how Racer’s passion and the desires of my heart for our family fit together.  I realize that auto racing has provided for our family.  I realize that it has given Racer the opportunity to be a light in an industry, in a community, that can be pretty dark at times.  I know these things in my head, but why does my heart hurt when I think about him being gone again?

So, as the countdown to Daytona has begun, and changes are on the horizon, I pray that Jesus helps me keep my perspective on the eternal things of life.  For when we focus on God’s blessings, His Word and the love that abounds in Him, we are more likely to be “reasonably happy in this life.”

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

Published by Kris

Jesus follower, racing wife, mom of seven, United Methodist pastor... Trying to live a life worthy of my callings.

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