Where to start…

I didn’t blog at all last week.  A family member reminded me of that last night – and I did have a goal of blogging at least 3 times a week right?  So, here I am sitting down, deciding where to start…  I have about 3-4 blogs rolling around in my head – great ideas that I just need to get onto “paper.”  I’m sure you’ll see them soon.  What I really want to write about, feel like I’m supposed to write about, I have fear about.  Fear because it’s out there, for everyone to see.  Fear because I don’t want to reveal too much about my life and deal with the repercussions.  Fear because I don’t know what will happen, how people will react, if I’m totally transparent and intimate about my life.  Fear because it’s not just my life, but I want to protect my husband and children too.  I don’t ever want what I say to reflect negatively on who they are.  If it reflects negatively on me – that’s fine, because you really do get the real me on here.  I may be reserved for privacy reasons, but for the most part, you get my voice and who I am.  When it comes to family though, the mama bear in me comes out and I can be fiercely defensive – realistic, but defensive.

So today, as I write and think and pray, I continue to reflect on the Sunday School lesson from yesterday – Psalm 46.  I got the privilege of teaching this lesson and in God’s great way of teaching me, I needed it more than anyone else I think.  Sometimes I need reminding that God is God and I am not.  When something is going on that needs “fixed,” I tend to be the one creating the plan and moving forward with the fixing.  Racer is the let’s wait and it’ll fix itself kind of guy.  I want to go in and solve the problem with my big ideas.  Racer waits to see and takes it as it comes.  I want to know what is going to happen and when.  Racer takes each step as it comes, not worrying about the next.

In all reality, God is the only one in control.  His timing is perfect and I don’t understand it and that creates fear in me.  (I know a counselor that would say I am choosing to fear, but I like to think that I would never “choose” fear.)  Yet, Psalm 46 reminds me that God is my ever-present help.  He is within me and He will be exalted.  This takes on even more meaning when I learned that Psalm 46 was written in response to a “last-minute miracle.”

You see, Hezekiah was king.  The Assyrians were attacking.  They were camped out around the city waiting for daybreak so that they could wage war.  I’m sure the people could see them waiting.  They people knew that doom was impending.  They could hear it, feel it, see it.  What fear they must have had.  I’m sure the faithful (and even the unfaithful) were crying out to God, asking for deliverance and protection.  Some had probably started creating plans on what they would do to protect their family.  Maybe some even gave up hope, thinking that if God hadn’t intervened yet, he wasn’t going to.  Yet some still held on tight to hope – hope that the God they know, love, serve and trust would keep His promises.

What happened?  Before dawn, while the Assyrian army was sleeping, and Angel of the Lord slay 185,000 soldiers while they slept.  When dawn broke – and war should’ve begun – the army instead retreated.  God protected His people.  Can you imagine a husband saying to his wife “See, all that worrying for nothing!”

Psalm 46 is most likely a response to that miracle – a people’s praise and worship gift to their God.  To my God.  To our God.  Psalm 46 reminds me of that too.  “God is OUR refuge… WE will not fear… Almighty is with US…”  I don’t function alone.  My family doesn’t function alone.  We are a part of a community of believers, strengthened, protected and loved by a mighty God.  The God that is my God, was the God of Jacob and the God that delivered His people (over and over and over again).  God is the same today, as He was then and will be in the future.

I don’t have to deal with my fears, struggles, challenges alone.  So as Racer and I make some decisions regarding our “old house” that we thought had sold but didn’t, as well as the current home we live in, please pray with us.  Please pray that we clearly hear God’s direction to take.  Please pray that we make a wise decision as we move forward.  Please pray that we will be united in our decision.  Please pray that we are in God’s timing and Will and not our own.  Please pray that the feelings overwhelming me (I am pregnant after all and hormones are taking their toll) subside and are replaced with a peace that passes understanding.

And to quote a dear old woman at a church we love, “I covet your prayers.”  I know we’re not supposed to covet, but I love that she says that and I think when talking about prayer, it might just be okay.

So, humbly I say thank you.  Whoever “you” may be, thank you.  I know God hears you and I trust that He is already answering.  I just need to be able to see and hear those answers.  I need to be still and know that God is God of all situations.

And please, if I can pray about something for you, let me know.  I will gladly carry you to the Throne as well.